30,667, and God Bless You Cut and Paste

Over 30,000 tonight, thanks to Katie's novel from last year, which has provided us with a veritable gold mine. Here are a couple of excerpts. Ryan, Annie, Gordon and Jake are all together at the Boo(!)-Bie Mansion. I hope to get them out of there tomorrow. Here they are bonding...

“It was for you Annie, he wanted to do this for you. He wanted to show you that he had something left to give back. And he wanted you to know how much he loves you and appreciates all you have sacrificed for him over the years. He said without you he would be nothing, and he wanted to make you proud of him again. He decided to call the charity “Annie’s Wish”, in honour of the sister who stood by him through everything.” Annie and Ryan were both unable to contain their tears any longer, and both cried quietly, feeling both shame for their lack of faith and love for Tom, that brave, brave man. Their quiet dignity was quickly overshadowed by a loud honking sound that appeared to be emerging from behind a large polka-dotted handkerchief. Gordon was weeping loudly and dramatically from his perch on his desk.
“It’s… just… so …. BEAUTIFUL!” he wailed, using the corner of his cape to wipe his tears. Annie realized that Gordon’s unearthly pallor was the result of makeup as opposed to being undead, as he now had two skin-coloured half-moons visible beneath his eyes where the tears had washed the makeup away. “Come on,’ Gordon said, motioning to the other three in the room, “bring it in, come on, don’t be shy. GROUP HUG,” he managed to utter through his hiccupping sobs. Annie and Ryan moved reluctantly toward the vampire, and he quickly swept them into his arms, wrapping his cape around them. He looked up at Jake, who shook his head and said “No, I’m good.”
Gordon admonished Jake silently with a look, and said “Jake, I will brook no argument from you, join us in this group hug, my brother, my friend.” Jake reluctantly approached, and was swept into the hug. In that moment of shared emotion (and shared cape), they became one. They knew they would do whatever it took to get Tom back, and to make sure that Annie’s Wish became a reality. And they would do it for the children, not in the weird, creepy way that mommy bloggers stalk their children, but in a genuine, loving way, in a real attempt to make the world a better place. And aren’t the best friendships found on such principles? I like to this so.


And here is an excerpt of how I cut and pasted from Katie's novel and made it my own (sort of). I copied and pasted a lot more. Trust me on that, but it was too long of an excerpt to include, plus you saw it last year on Katie,s blog.

“There’s more. Have any of you ever heard of the organization, ‘Five for Fighting’?” Jake asked, and Gordon gasped dramatically, then placed his cape over his mouth before the others could assault him again with their fierce glares. Clearly, he had heard of the organization. The others looked blank, so Jake nodded at him to explain. Before he began, he made a mental note not to reference his dissertation, lest he infuriate the pretty brunette with the fearsome temper. It turned out to be a rather difficult promise to keep.
“Well, I first learned about the organization when I was doing underground research for my…” he winced, “for my Master’s thesis,” he said slowly and carefully, clearly lying. He quickly moved on. “That was the time I learned the true meaning of fear.” He shuddered, but continued. “I was doing some research on the phenomenon of ‘mommy blogging’ with a colleague of mine. It was a truly discomfiting movement, and my colleague and I were lucky to escape unscathed.” Annie was nodding, though the other two looked perplexed. Annie had once lost a dear friend to the mommy blogger movement. She had begun with simply wanting to share her experience with others, to form a community of support for mothers, but she quickly became brainwashed by the movement. The last time Annie had seen her, she had been babbling incoherently in what sounded like a sort of horribly conceived rap, her fingers and clothes permanently stained by homemade organic dyes, a vacant, haunted look in her eyes. Oh yes, Annie knew about the dark underworld of mommy bloggers. Gordon continued.
“Even worse than the mommy bloggers though, were the hockey fans. Hockey fans scare me. Those goons sure do love their hockey fights, and they will do anything to make sure that no pinko commie lefty gets in the way of them.” The other three nodded. Though they all fit into the category of ‘hockey fan’, they knew that were extremists who had captured and transformed the moniker to their own twisted devices. Much the way Rob Ford, Stephen Harper, and Tim Hudak had transformed the ideals of conservatism (which were terrifying to begin with) into soulless, heartless, and relentless pursuits of wearing terrifying sweater vests, cuddling with defenseless kittens, lowering people’s wages, and sampling crack cocaine whilst in a drunken stupor.